20091208Posted by Jessica Sun, August 02, 2015 14:19:26
One hour. That's how long I waited for new information.
My mind was fixated on the concert. Probably because it was easier that way. I pondered about how many songs I was playing along with the others in my rehearsal group, of course my father could not die just like that, I would be able to play this evening. Maybe only play though, my father would of course pull through, but I would be shook up and perhaps singing would not be a good option. So if we didn't include my song in the setlist, maybe the evening would be manageable after all, since my father was going to survive. He just had to. Simple as that.
In between I made phone calls, nothing new to be heard, still the uncertainty.
And in between the phone calls, there was the concert. It was all I could lean back on, all I could make my mind think of not to fall apart. I remember the feeling that I would let everyone in my group down if I wouldn't be able to play. Which didn't make much sense, it's of course highly understandable that people can't go out and about with their lives as if nothing happened if in fact something horrible happened. Still, that would of course not be the case. Because my father would live. He had to.
And still, there was that feeling that I did not dare finding words for. I guess that feeling made me focus so much on thoughts of the concert, since I would otherwise think of the feeling and what it meant.
And then, when one hour had passed, I got a hold of Niklas.
20091208Posted by Jessica Fri, July 31, 2015 16:39:52
I'll share a real bad experience in this blog since it might be therapeutic for me, and maybe helpful for someone in the same position. So, let's start somewhere.
In 2009 I attended a course called Creative Music. You learned some theory, to play different instruments (I took some drum classes that I highly enjoyed), and you rehearsed your own tracks with a group from the class. Ever since the start of the first semester I looked forward to December 8th, when a concert was to be given. As the date came closer our group rehearsed more and more intensely. Among my tracks I had picked Seasons of the Fall to perform, and on remaining tracks I played a bit of drums and a little keyboard.
So came the 8th of December. In the afternoon I sat behind the drums doing some rehearsing when my phone rang. It was my mother. She asked if I was sitting down. Well yes I was, behind those drums, in the area where we would later perform our tracks. In good sight of a lot of people who were around. Strangers. But yes, I was sitting down.
My mother started speaking of some relatives she was visiting and I did not understand why she had asked if I was sitting down. To begin with she made no sense to me. Then she started speaking of my father. Ice hitting my stomach. She told me about how she spoke with him before noon, how he felt nauseous and needed to lie down. How she an hour later couldn't reach him. How she then called my second oldest brother Niklas, who at the time lived with her and dad due to a job he'd gotten in the small town. How she told Niklas she couldn't get a hold of dad. How Niklas looked through the house, how she heard him drop the phone when he found our father on the bed in one of the rooms. How the ambulance came, how it was not sure whether or not dad was alive.
The darkness within. The silent chaos.
MiscPosted by Jessica Mon, July 27, 2015 09:38:36
So I have this blog that I rarely use and this morning I started thinking, why not make something slightly more creative out of it. So I will. Starting this week I will share a chapter of my life. For now, my life these past 20 months in a few pictures.
Cruella is a furry member of our family since February 2014.
When going to a pet shop to buy hay in June 2014 I ended up coming home with this little one instead. We named him Tyrion.
I married the most beautiful person on earth.
MusicPosted by Jessica Mon, November 11, 2013 12:24:28
My new album The Blue Box by Once There Was has been released. You can find it at a number of places, but why not visit oncetherewas.se
for a download or two. You can buy the album from the webshop
at that page.
The Blue Box is also available for listening at Spotify
I'm very pleased with the artwork for this release. The photo I've worked with was taken by my father a number of years ago. It saddens me that he's no longer around, and I 'm keeping his memory close in many ways. Writing music is one of these ways.
MusicPosted by Jessica Fri, September 13, 2013 18:49:13
Some news about my position in Beto Vazquez Infinity:
From now on, due to limited time on my behalf, I'll continue working with the band as a guest singer instead of working with the band as one of their lead vocalists.
This means I'll participate on a much lesser number of tracks on future releases. It also means that despite the lack of time I'm these days constantly experiencing, I will still have the privilege to keep collaborating with this wonderful band, just at a little slower pace.
MiscPosted by Jessica Mon, July 15, 2013 18:11:13
Summer so far has been very Swedish with lots of rain mixed with a few sunny days. Rain doesn't bother me much apart from when taking the bike to and from work, which I do rather often.
I work a LOT this summer. At a care centre for elderly and also I have a writing job that I can't tell much about just yet. Finding time for vocal recordings on top of this seems a bit tricky at the moment, but let's hope I'll manage to do something within that field soon since there are people waiting for me to get things done.
I long for September. I'll definitely need a month off by then. :) But these jobs are both lovely in different ways, and I feel fortunate to be able to work within these different fields.
Also, the view when going home from the work at the care centre is quite lovely. At least when it's not raining. ;)
WritingPosted by Jessica Thu, May 30, 2013 18:44:39
Today the assessment of my final project within this education - my feature film screenplay "The Boy in the Wardrobe" - took place. I don't know what I expected from it really, since writing it has been a bit of a struggle with lots and lots of rewrites and sometimes rather heavy ones. I wasn't sure if I managed to get all the pieces together and needed some distance to the screenplay before picking it up again to form an opinion.
The assessment went really well! I was given optimistic and valuable feedback from Sirel Pensaar (Filmpool Nord). I look forward to improve the story further with this feedback as help.
In the meantime, on June 1st I have a deadline for the first draft for a feature film. So, tomorrow it's back to celtx for some proofreading! :)