Jessica Lehto - Blog

Jessica Lehto - Blog

02 - The hour

20091208Posted by Jessica Sun, August 02, 2015 14:19:26

One hour. That's how long I waited for new information.

My mind was fixated on the concert. Probably because it was easier that way. I pondered about how many songs I was playing along with the others in my rehearsal group, of course my father could not die just like that, I would be able to play this evening. Maybe only play though, my father would of course pull through, but I would be shook up and perhaps singing would not be a good option. So if we didn't include my song in the setlist, maybe the evening would be manageable after all, since my father was going to survive. He just had to. Simple as that.

In between I made phone calls, nothing new to be heard, still the uncertainty.

And in between the phone calls, there was the concert. It was all I could lean back on, all I could make my mind think of not to fall apart. I remember the feeling that I would let everyone in my group down if I wouldn't be able to play. Which didn't make much sense, it's of course highly understandable that people can't go out and about with their lives as if nothing happened if in fact something horrible happened. Still, that would of course not be the case. Because my father would live. He had to.

And still, there was that feeling that I did not dare finding words for. I guess that feeling made me focus so much on thoughts of the concert, since I would otherwise think of the feeling and what it meant.

And then, when one hour had passed, I got a hold of Niklas.